Sunday, October 02, 2005
I dont plan on using this lbog anymore, except to catch up on my grade 8 times.
There'll be a new blog "documenting" my 2005-2006 times.
A blog a year.
Throwing you kisses @ 11:31 AM
Monday, September 05, 2005
I have but one thing to say.
SCHOOL IS TOMORROW!!!
and I am seriously freaked and scared. I cannot imagine school without Bree, Dimitri, and Rach. But most of all, I
cannot imagine school without Kaitai. Exxagarating as it sounds, I cannot imagine life without him. Or maybe I can, but it isn't pretty.
Damn, if I think it's hard, I wonder how it is for Bree. She only has Cissy, who dedicates herself to a blank chunk of wood with ivory keys.
Or Dimitri, who knows no one but Wes and Pauline.
But mostly, what about Kaitai? He knows no one. No one at all.
No one likes to be alone. And as much as he says he doesn't care, he will, to a certain extent. I can only hope and pray that he is happie there at Glenforest. How I wish I was there to look out for him, or just give him moral support for his first day in high school, all alone. What I wouldn't give to have him enjoy his time there.
If you can hear my prayers, the prayers of a non-believer. Please look out for Kaitai.
God bless my baby.
Throwing you kisses @ 9:02 PM
_____________
Thursday, September 01, 2005
AGHHHH!!
I feel like screaming. Damn it,
everyone everything I "do" these days, I feel.
I
feel like screaming.
I
feel like crying.
I
feel like dying.
I
feel like breaking down.
I
feel like killing someone.
Damn it, don't I ever
do anything anymore?!?
All I ever do is think and feel.
Which is fine, you know, cause if I did do everything I feel, I'd kill off half the population with my now-constant bitchyness and spaz fits.
I swear, why did NO ONE tell me that we were taking pictures yesterday?!?
I didn't get the package, so all I heard about was a sleepover a month later. Not one word bout pictures.
NO ONE!! Melissa barely mentioned it to me. Everyone else said NOTHING about it.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G. NOTHING!
So I turned up looking like complete crap while every other girl looked stunning in their perfectly styled hair, excessive make-up, cutest outfits, perfect body.
Don't get me wrong. I'm mighty comfortable with my face and body. True, there are times I feel incompetent. But generally, I know I'm a pretty asian, I have a skinny body, I have a waist, I have an ass, I have hips, I have long legs for asians, I have sufficient curves. I have to say, I like me, like the skin I'm under, the body I'm in.
But if everyone is going to abuse the beautifying products, why don't I?
I NEVER put on an ounce of make-up, when half the girls turn up with a full mask. and the other half? Put such black crap on their eyes.
Damn, I look sexy.But hey, it um... emphasizes your natural beauty. And almost every single girl does it, so I guess it's okay.
PFSH.
So would it kill to tell me to make myself up for this ONE DAY?!? No, right?
Damn it.
So I have to stand there gaping at everyone there, because they all look like movie stars.
May is drop-dead gorgeous, she has such nice curves now.
Mel is so fucking hott. In her 3-inch wedges and miniskirt and tight black top.
Kristen looked absolutely stunning. Perfect complexion, centimeter long lashes and all.
Madz shot up 2 inches, her new hair-cut making her look even better than she did before.
AND I LOOKED LIKE COMPLETE CRAP.
GODDAMN IT PEOPLE. Would it kill to tell me to dress up when everyone of you is going to look like movie stars?
Throwing you kisses @ 10:12 AM
_____________
I am sooo bored.
Yet, I feel like breaking down.
Well, not literally, just you know, if feels like theres an anvil on my chest.
Goddamn anvils. They're so heavy. Almost heavy as Kaitai.
So maybe that's what's really on my chest, Kaitai.
Again, not literally.
God, I feel so empty all of a sudden. I feel so distant.
I guess it's finally sinking in that we are actually splitting up. This took me awhile. Graduation was 2 weeks ago, yet it's only now that I start to brood over it. This is so strange.
Well, during summer. It's just summer. Everyone's meant to be away. And I still hang with the people I like and care about. It's just another summer.
But now, it's going to be high school. Another school year. No, it's not just another school year. It's a school year without some of the people that I've grown to care about and love the most. I don't know how I would handle this. I'll survive, it's just sad, so very sad. Sometimes, it's almost like they're still going to the same school as me and I'm happy, but when I think about it. I realize how many people are leaving and how attached I am to some of them.
Like last week, Kristen asked me to get lockers with her. I started naming people that I would want with us.
Kaitai, Bridget, May, Madz, Dimitri, Sharon, Liam...And I caught myself. Those people, those people that I've loved this past year, half of them won't even be here.
It felt so horrible. I felt like crying on the phone. Just let it go. But somehow, I can't cry anymore, the tears just rolled around in my socket, refusing to flow. So now I'm stuck with all these harmful emotions inside my body with no means of letting them loose.
It's almost like... I'm pms-ing again.
Damn, I need more calcium.
Now, that didn't come out of nowhere. Studies shown that calcium may reduce the symptoms of PMS. Majority of women's symptoms reduced after taking 1200mg calcium/day.
Damn right, it's better than yours.
Throwing you kisses @ 9:51 AM
_____________
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
