Where I Kiss My Childhood Goodbye

Friday, November 19, 2004

WTH, i'm trying not to swear here, i'm really doing a good job so far. anyways, i had no clue wth...eck my sis did with my coputer while i went to warm up her milk. all i know is she screwed up my entry abou the dream, not only so, she made 5 more entries pop up whihc has NOTHING 2 do with me, so each one of them is like a cross between my entry and some other random person's.

i had one like a spanish stuff, someone who think's they're a new born dog, someone who has a radioologist and this other entry full of gibberish and all because my fri...eaking mom cant keep my sis under control!!!!!

ARGHHHHH!!!!

my parents r psycos. like they asked me 2 babysit my sis 4 an hour and a half yesterday when i had chamber choir and that r+j essy due. so im like left with 2.5 hours left for my stupid essay. and you know what? i bet u anything they not gonna accept anything less than an impossilbe 95. screw them. they think im supergirl or somethin?!?! it's not like they can perform the feats they expect me to accomplish anyways. man, i must be really pissed to stay up till 11.42 on a f....reakin friday.

i'm going 2 bed now... i cant take this anymore, maybe i'll have another dream of some sort... sheesh and it better not b bout my mom/ dad.

ugh

Throwing you kisses @ 11:36 PM

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i was about 2 say something else, but i seriously cant remember. UGH my sis just came over and deleted my last entry COMPLETELY!!!!! so i had 2 retype everything. sheesh and u think my mom has the nerve to accuse me of not taking care of my sis well enough sometime. when she couldn't look after my sis 4 1 friggin minute so she wouldn't come over and screw my 25-mins typed entry. (it's slow cause i found it sooooo hard 2 stay awake) ma family is soooo messed up.

I REALLY HATE MY MOM SOMETIME!!! $!^(%#@&

Throwing you kisses @ 11:24 PM

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o and b4i go off snoozing my head off, i just have 2 write down this dream i had. its not a very excititng dream but its not often i dream, or at least to have dreams which i can remember. needa 2 record it 4 future reference to prove to myself how overly obsessed i am with kt. (not that its a absolutely positive thing but watever, me 2 sleepy 2 b logical)

so ya, i was dreaming so dont expect anything 2 make sense. um.. i was at school, talking with ppl waiting 4 the bell to ring. the kt joined us. then the bell rang and kt walked way with his bag 2 his locker no less. i, for some weird reason, was stil talking, which was strange considering ms-goody-two-shoes wuold never dare to be l8. so ya, i was standing there and all of a sudeen, maple leaves started falling like cherry blossoms and all, so next thing i knew, the leaves became cherry blossoms. dont ask

um ya. then kt walks back with what appears to look like a bunny stuffed animal thingy. turns out its earmuffs. weird huh. and he comes over, said nothing just stood there. i looked him 4 a couple secs and asked him whats he back here 4 and he just gave me the cutish earmuffs. i got all shocked an all and went all ditzy like, "is this for me?!?!?" and he was... dont quite remember but he did something that proved my guess was rite...

so then, of course, i was all he's-so-sweet me being crazy over him and all. so i threw my arms around him and gave him a huge hug. its weird cause i imagined that i actually jumped UP to hug him with my feet off the ground. i mean, kt's tall, but he isn't THAT tall. but then again, dreams rn't supposed 2 make sense. so i was hugging him and all, being all happy and kt sorta just stood there, not doing anything, then he hugged me back, i guess sorta awkwardly. its a dream, so i dont remember everything. but is soooooo sweet.

i actually remembered a dream so sweet this time. so proud of myself. *pats self on back* i dont really ask 4 much do i, just like u noe, kt 2 b more approachable, and possibly Me give Him a hug and not the other way around. i just want him 2 actually accept a hug but ya, kt has this invisible force field round him that keeps all girls off him so ya wahtever.

i demand very little but i'll just wait i guess. valentines only 86 days away. i've already made up my mind that i will tell him then so i'll just c on that day.

98 / 86 = 1.14 AHHHHH

Throwing you kisses @ 10:58 PM

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ya well, enough said bout me. gotta stop being self-centered if though im not... really.

so anyways, liam is being a total pain in the neck. i know he just wanna have a little fun but honestly, the fun is at my expense. i noe i am paranoid at times (kkz, i admit, ALL THE TIME but thats really not the point). he(liam) was writing D+K or Dorcy <3 Kaitai or Dorcy like kaitai yada yada all over my stuff. and i dont think he realized that um.. kt sits right across the "aisle" from me?!?!? well, i noe it's helpful and all, in the sense that its more obvious now than ever that i like kt, but it would be nice if the "help" involved more thinking. no offence bree.

and ya, i'm being a total ditz recently, arguing the math during science?!?! sheesh, someone's obviously had too much chocolate. but u gotta admit sci class was boring, i did manage 2 liven up the class somewhat with my ever whats-the-word voice. lolz u have no clue how boring class was, me and kristen was literarily doing a countdown in seconds. look what we're being reduced to!?!? ugh.

ladeedoo. i cant believe i finished essay! so happy although i didn't have any quotations at all from the book. i think i only had 2 quotes which was pretty stupid. o well, im just get i've got them done and over with. *yawn* that was a horrible essay. and to think i once thought r+j was the most perfect love in all of human history (grade 2's, i wonder what else i thought then).

o ya, got new music for honour, not that easy 4 me. its really times like this when i cuold actually bring myself to say, "skills!" but truth is, i aint got no skills in violin, so pff. "skills" coming out of me just sounds freakish like when i try to say, "ooo, r u gonna take that?!?!" or "O shoo, buuuuuuurn." its just not me, its definitely not a dorcyish thing 2 do. lolz. i crack myself up.... *weak laughter* ha ha .. ha.....ha.........ha ya, thats funny *roll eyes*

ya i'm going weird, well, i g2g bed soon so who cares if im hyper, besides i cant talk anyways since chamber choir completely killed my voice. ugh

*yawn*

Throwing you kisses @ 10:41 PM

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Ok, so bree saw my blog the other day, forgot when, me and my rotten short-term memory. lolz well she said its nice and all but just a "tiny" bit 2 obsessive. when she told me, i was all *nods nods*. its true. i am obsessed but u noe, its a me thing... i think. but it's kt, so ya.

but thing is, im NOT going to be obsessed anymore. I noe it scares ppl when u have certain obsessions and honestly, i dont think that scaring anyone is the way to go if u wanna impress a certain someone. truth be told, i scare myself. i frankly didn't think that "this" would be happening 2 me in Grade 8... i know i sound ms. chinese-girl but b4 i met kt, i was all pff-guys-who-needs-em. which is still sorta true i guess.

anyways, im getting off topic, but the whole point is... ppl r always telling u NOT to go deep, so ya. i think i'm gonna have 2 start pulling myself out of it a little, just a little. lolz. ugh, nvm, accomplishing a feat like that (feat= falling out of love with kt) is like worse than trying 2 finish my pic book report in 2 hours. sheesh. i should just give up.

wait, u noe what i just realized? im not obsessing over him, i... uh... i just happen 2 like him a lot is all, love?

...ya...

Throwing you kisses @ 6:03 PM

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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

i'm in such a good mood 2day! dunno y, maybe cause nothing actually happened and im nt that stressed out bout kt... ya.

lolz. kt was hilarious 2day. i noe its really none of my business, but i cant help it!

ok, well first of all, i have no clue what attitude kt has 4 me, but like i was mouthing 2 bree about forgetting my dualtan (however u spell that) and he was like, "sucker!". taht's mean... well, its kt, so..ya.

and liam walks by l8r with a thing in his hand, and he comes and goes, "oops, dropped it." ya, like it was REALLY an accident. so then, i was all it-better-not-get-into-my-shirt and waddaya noe, it really DOES go into my shirt and i was like, "Great liam, it got into my shirt. *roll eyes*" and kt just HAVE to go like, "o liam, u got into dorcy's shirt??? have some respect!" *me roll eyes* ya well, thats kt 4 u, i clearly said "it". lolz, math class was a riot. ya all but the part where i have 2 ramage through my shirt for whatever "it" was.

ya well, then there was music class wiht kt trying 2 figure out what note it is when he uses his head to bang against his viola.. lolz. its such a total kt thing. u have 2 love him, well i do anyways. XD and the whole guys forming a line stretching from one wall to another was definitely a highlight. trust kt to leave and stand up without warning and lettng everyone topple over. lolz

nity bitty stuff bout 2day... yada yada, i really do have nothing 2 write bout eh?

p.s. kt got perfect on da science test... ugh... he's even more perfect than ever... *dreamy sigh*

p.p.s. i got perfect too!! *run round in circles*

Throwing you kisses @ 3:48 PM

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Monday, November 15, 2004

Did i ever tell anyone that i HATE kaitai?!?!?!? i hate him soooooooo much. dont ask, it's a long story... well, actually, i'm gonna tell u anyways.

did anyone realize how PERFECT kaitai is?!?! i did, he's sooooooooo perfect. i really hate him when he's like that. i mean, look at him! He's totally athletic. the best player in every single sports basically. He's totlaly smart, u DONT need proof for that, its OBVIOUS. He's totally musical, being vp of the violas and having the piano and god knows what else he knows. he's totally funny, he's always making ppl laugh, well, he does act like an idiot though (but he's MY idiot... pff.... i wish).

he's totally sympathetic when he wants to be. like today mel got really upset cause of the whole dance thing, ir eally cant blame her. i'm not altogether that please as well. and he was looking over at us (us being me and the gals comforting mel) while ms A was checking his story. (i confess, i knew this cause i was stealing glances at him... lolz, u cant blame me can u???) Isn't he the sweetest thing ever?!?! and he was sooooo nice to mel in the hallway too. i cant deny that im the tiniest bit jealous (ok, maybe more than a bit lolz) He's such a total sweetheart... awww

he's totally artistic. lke the rough copy, i didn't put much effort into it but u look at his, awsm story with KICK-ASS drawings. i swear, he's soooooo talented. everything was sooooo perfect about his layout. i bet u anything that his is the best (no offence to anyone else's) so when he asked 2 c mine, how could i show them to him, HIM of all ppl. puh-lease... i'm trying to impress the guy in a very subtle way, showing him my 2 sec drawings definitely wasn't the way to go. i felt sooo horrible.

see? kt's a complete jock, but a talented jock with BRAINS!!! wow, it just doesn't get any better than this. but u noe, him being so perfect and all, i couldn't help feel that sometimes his "mr-im-2-good-4-u" is true. he IS too good 4 me. i dont know... y would he like me? i feel like a complete loser with a capital L. he's just so perfect, personality, brains, talents, body, looks... omg, he's got it ALL!!!! how can i ever be good enough for him?!?! *sobs* (dont hit me, mel)

u noe how they say if smoe1 rejects u, then they're not good enough 4 u? well, i dont know, i wanna believe it, but kt is sooooooo worth every single thing in me, EVERY SINGLE part of me, he's sooo worth it! i noe it's just a guy, but he's not just ANY guy, he's KAITAI!! the most perfect guy EVER! ya but if he's really kt, i dont' think he's ready for a relationship. it's just not kt-ish. and honestly, i don't know if i'm ready as well. but u noe, if i am, i noe who my guy is.

but y would he have me, when he could have pratically any girl he want?
...just please let that girl be me...

Throwing you kisses @ 10:39 PM

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well, during lunch, mel and kristen were going round the school trying 2 tease guys going "ow ow". lolz. hilarious really. ya well, kt was bending over and mel and kristen were teasing him... like saying, "ooo, sexy. nice ass, kt..." blah blah blah etc etc. i dunno, i was feeling sooo many different feelings at the time it was confusing. well firstly, i guess i'm happy since u noe the gals think he's hot... (he sooooo is though, then again, to me, he's soooooooo perfect). then u noe, i guess i should b scared cause u noe, everyone could turn out 2 be potential enemies lolz (sheesh, i really am insecure/ paranoid, liam) and well, i wish i could b more like mel and kristen, they have NO troubel talking 2 guys whatsoever, i dunno, maybe i still dont feel all that comfortable wiht the ppl in the school yet, which when u come 2 think bout it is kinda weird, since i've been in the school 4 quite a while now. i wish i could just go up to kt and just spill my guts out.

anyways, back to "flirting" with the guys. pundire (or however in tarnation u spell that) and veljko were hilarious. samo and mark were so totally awsm. they're the best ever. lolz. it was funny how we all wanted 2 c the same thing but none of us actually dared 2 do it lolz. u shoulda seen ma face when mel suggested that i do the flirt thing with kt. (flirt thing= wrap arms round him, play with his hair, give him a smack on the ass and just walk away saying stuff like, "sexy" lolz) i was so stunned. i had no clue how to react. like, i wish that kt and i were comfortable wiht each other to do that, but even so, it seems so wrong... ... or maybe its jsut me... ms goody-2-shoes.

Throwing you kisses @ 10:34 PM

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i dont know why i like putting all my sad feelings into this blog, maybe cause its a way of releeasing all my negative energy or something. and i enjoy keeping the happy thoughts to me so i can enjoy them.

school 2day. saw Him. no biggie since he goes 2 school and everything. i swear, i'm so crazy over him. i cannot stop thinking about him. i know its not supposed 2 interfere with school and all but during the math test 2day, u noe me, always finishing pretty fast and my mind likes 2 wander off into some random place. so ya, guess what i was thinking bout during math, ya him. u noe how ppl say u get that warm fuzzy feeling when u like someone??? i dunno, i think its true, but how can they describe something as sweet and pure and cute and talented and hot in words?(wait, i'm talking bout the wrong thing)...

anyways, i saw him on the field 2day during lunch. he's playing football. i would kill myself if anyways say kt isnt the best player around. i would kill. the way he throw, the way he runs, the way he catches... *dreamy sigh* how can anyone NOT love kt?!?!? although i'd rather if u didn't though, y'all catch my drift. so ya, i couldn't help but wonder what would a guy like him EVER be doing with me... little old un-athletic me. (don't hit me mel!!! ok, maybe not that "un")

lolz XD

Throwing you kisses @ 3:45 PM

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Im simple	Im deep
Im dumb	Im smart
Im conceited	Im self-aware
Im crazy	Im logical
Im loud	Im quiet
Im unfeeling	Im caring
Im messy	Im lazy