Tuesday, August 09, 2005
May 11WOOT! Today was the dang-blasted gauss thing. I was supposed to be home sleeping like a pig. But instead, I was forced to come and take the retarded looking test. Sometimes, I wished I hadn't scored a 150 last year. If I didn't, mom wouldn't be expecting another 150 this year. And I'll have to be honest. I expected a 150 too, just admit it Dorcy. But expectations and pressure suck.
It's like driving a plane, if I crashed and killed a bagillion people on the first try, I would never ever be expected to transport anyone to safety. But nooooooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooo. I had to not be a mass-murderer and land everyone safely, so now, in my hands are the expectations of everyone. Dang it. I wish I could just crash land that thing again.
Which I did. I screwed up on one of the easiest calculations. Heck, I don't even remember it. All I remember is that the answer was D. or something. The sub that day, because Ms. A. was sick for the week, Mr Brown, marked it on the spot. And I got a 144. I shouldn't be complaining. But how dumb is it that I screw up on a Section B question?
Now, don't you dare give me all that friggin' lecture on how there are tons of people worse off than me. Sure, that made me feel temporarily better. But I can't even keep myself from feeling guilty for thinking that. That's no different than mockery at other's "incompetence". You do not compare with others, you compare with yourself. And doing so, I'm a failure.
Maybe I'll be like Einstein, who figures out that relevancy shiznack, but fails to recognize the simplicity of 1+1=2. Now all I need is bushy white hair... and a beard. O ya, I'll have to be white.
But surely Einstein won't get hung over a guy.
While I was sitting with him during Geography, I was still brooding over the events of yesterday so I asked him if he was ignoring me and he said no. Paranoia strikes again.
HE'S LYING!! it screams.
Hence, when I had to go home at lunchtime due to my stupid fever, I tugged at his sleeves while he was walking to lunch with Marko and people, asking to ask a single question. But he wouldn't stay for me. Not in front all the guys.
Stupid boys with their egos.
I gave up. I don't care. If he won't let me ask. So be it. I will not stoop to begging him in front of so many people. Slightly peeved, I stormed off without saying goodbye.
Stupid girls with their egos.
But guess what? After getting home and sleeping my fever away, Kaitai called.
He asked bout how I was coping with my fever in the careless tone that he always uses whenever he shows concern about anything. It wasn't much. The convo was just as stupid as ever. It wasn't much. Not much at all.
But it was enough to kick that Paranoia bug outta my system with a big fat stinky boot.
PWOW!
Throwing you kisses @ 11:00 AM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
