Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I WILL STOP TALKING STUPID THINGS. I WILL STOP SAYING STUPID THINGS.
Throwing you kisses @ 9:56 PM
i think im not being totally honest with everyone who's been reading my blog. its not that i dont blog anymore. i still do, its just that there are things that aren't meant to be publicated, not now anyways. i still blog, its the only way i can get rid of what im feeling right now. only i save them as drafts, please dont ask to see them, and let me wallow in my thoughts. although there is a point in time when i wonder if i cant publish what i write, i should get a new blog... maybe just maybe, but for now...
Throwing you kisses @ 7:13 PM
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i wish anderson would make a new seating plan, and just write it down in stone, so i dont have to think now. i dont wanna think. it hurts to think. i wanna sit side all ma close friends, which is basically all the girls sides pauline (im sorry liney if u ever see this... i dont mean anything insulting) and poop. but i cant move right now, cause i know sar and suz wont move cause sar wants sit next to cam, and may dont have anything bad coming her way by sitting next to liam. but i really dont like the back, its almost a pet peeve, only almost. but by moving, it would mean that i would leave one of the girls with pauline... and i dont wanna do that, because thats not what a nice person should be doing. so i cant move anywhere. and this whole choose ur own seat but stick with it for the rest of your life thing is really bugging me, because unless we kick either kaitai or liam outta their spots we cant have what we want. and somehow... i think im getting paranoid again, but thats for me to blog, and my blog drafts to know.
Throwing you kisses @ 7:05 PM
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lalala, went to mel's for a sleepover on sunday. watched mulan 2, it was fun and cheesy and heres the list.
cricket + tall stupid chopstick nose guy = liam
girl who falls alot = female version on kaitai
lily = tall girl whos stern
mel = skitzo orange girl
shar = hungry food lova orange girl
me = emotional pink girl
lolz. yeps then we talked and played truth or truth and fire in da barn. then next day, we went shopping and lily got a bracelet, i got pjs and undies :P, mel got a $100 worth bathing suit, undies, cosmetics, and something else i think. it was fun, then shar came over and stayed for a bit where she talked on msn and we talked and stuff... it was fun, but tiring... and so ends my entry.
Throwing you kisses @ 6:55 PM
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Sunday, March 27, 2005
i finally posted every single strand of the online novel onto a new blog. click
H3r3. deeply moved. another one of those sappy things, kind of like the notebook. undying love... this time, with an unhappy ending. sorta scared it will happen to me... not impossible. will i be able to get over him and move on?? hmm...
my options:
- die trying to keep relationship
- forget and move on
- be friends
- be beneficial friends
i gotta admit, i like the last one best... but... ah well.
His Profile cracks me up though... although it semi scares me, hey, cant blame me, im a girl. is it really as bad as it sounds?? i'll never know. i dont want it to be. ice cream's so nice mosta times, but ya... very euro tripy mosta times too... gahhhh, im thinking too much. gotta stop.
Throwing you kisses @ 3:29 PM
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lalala, i was too busy spazzing on friday to actually bore you with entries on the days of my life XD. so here it is.
i wasted the entire morning being a mouse potato (LOLZ liam, kaitai) and trying to figure out what i can do. so i called up lily and joy. then i realized on this bright and early wonderful good friday morning, joy has friends over enjoying themselves and lily is shakin da roof in ny, or somewhere. right now, that lucky girl is getting it on in "michigann babyy"!! (quote on quote) i was seriously bored outta my mind and i spent the morning spazzing at this hunk of metal because my rents were pissed at me. wonderful eh. i caught myself calling kaitai, even though i know he wasn't home, just so i could hear his voice over and over again on the answering machine. its so cute and ya. i was told he wasn't going to be home for the remainder of the march break so i dialed his number a bagillion times just to listen to his voice, even though it was before his vocal chords stretched and his voice got deeper. so i sat around, babysitting and what not for the morning, and by the afternoon, i was completely bored outta my mind. so i was on msn and i started chatting with sharon. luckily my dad was going to see some random cars in some random location at the random place called t.o. so i asked if he can drop me off to shar's and there, we migrated to centennial park lolz. thanx to good friday (no complaints there, i am fully for the religious holiday) the botanical garden was closed so we walked around to the other part of the place, and followed the trail up the hill and slid down all the ski/boarding hills on our bum and shoes. my shoes were no good, so i slid on my bum with a horrific price to pay. my bum still hurts from skiing and sunday and due to my poor balance and the fact that the ppl who made the jeans made a decorative zipper on the back pocket... my bum is still aching to this day. but no matter, i still went down the hills. me and shar are also proud to announce the fact that we found a babie pylon that we kicked all the way around the hills, up and down. we dubbed it billi li, the new sibling of lili li lolz. as it is, we climbed the ramps for boarders (y not skiiers??) and slid down them. it was fun, and cold at the same time. after that, we got a ride from shar's dad to blockbusters and we rented the movie "the incredibles". i reccomend u ppl watching it, so i shall not bother to sum it up. good. finnaly a good movie in the 7 i've watched this march break. well, euro trip was good, but in a totally different way. this is the only REAL movie that was good. god, i love edna, syndrome, mole dude, zone's wife, and the two old school grandpas lolz.
"you married elastigirl??" *looks at the kids* "and got BUSY!! *cues evil laughter*"
ahahahahahahaha, i love that part, love syndrome. and so ends my "frantic" friday.
yesterday, i planned to go wander and possibly shopping, but then i realized that mel's coped home, bree's caged in, may's uncontactable for some odd reason, mivvy's babysitting, and shar's rents changed their minds at da last moment. but whatever the reason, shar ended up going with me (who managed to go cause dad's going somewhere with fyer today), we found some vintage shops and i fell in love with a cute lil boutique which i described to be skimpy and small. i surprised myself. for some odd reason, i picked out quite a few of those really tight shirts to try on that made shar gasp with the fact that im a s-l-u-t. jokinly of course lolz. but still. i found a j-lo shall we dance dress at le chateau that me and shar oooed and ahhhed over. its def a HUGE possibility for one of our grad dresses... turns out me and shar's looking for the same type dresses... dilema? i unno, and i dont care yet. too bad. but that is an AMAZING dress and le chateau has the cutest lil shoes that we gawked over lolz. in da end i got 2 shirts and we sat in demetre's drinking iced cappucino and having an oreo cake. that was the best part of the entire day. kaitai spent the entire day with his rents, that lucky guy. the fact that him and his parents are on such good terms make me so jealous. o well, just goes to show how great we really are.
my new resolutions:
- talk to shayan when taking elevators with him
- figure out the ttc, so i can b mz. independent
- try harder to b on good terms with my rents
- spend more time with sis
- die trying for term 3
- be nicer to all ma friends
well, thanks to the cappucino... or something anyways, i woke up at 2 and stayed awake for about 3 hours, just thinking. thinking bout that online novel that i was reading. i dont want graduation to come now. im really scared. scared of losing kaitai. what would happen on the last day of school or summer? we just break up? but what if we see each other after that?? what would i do then, what would WE do then? im so scared, so scared i'll not be able to move on. im stupid, im a stupid lil girl whos stuck on one sole guy... i was stupid to question if i habour intentions for other guys because i noe that i dont. i dont think about them at all, yet kaitai would always be on my mind. would it be better to let go, or risk a long distance relationship? i dont think i'll be able to let go, i dont think i can bear seeing kaitai with another girl, knowing that she has replaced me forever, and i'll never part of his life ever again. yet, how big are the chances of maintaining a long distance relationship that will actually work? not high. but knowing me, i dont think i'll ever be able to let go. your first love never truly dies, so shall i avoid him forever, for the rest of my life? i dont want to do that. i want to remain friends but i know a part of me, no matter how small will always love him. i want the relationship to go on, but i dont wont the burden on either of our shoulders of maintaining a long distance relationship. he's going to meet new people, and no doubt girls a trillion fold more gorgeous and more talented than i am. im not the best fish u can get in the pond. and eventually if he does find a better catch... it'll have to break off wont it? i'll tell myself that im 14 and that i'll have to wait at least another decade to get settled. would a middle school relationship last that long? in fairy tales yes, in real life, keep dreaming dorcy. maybe i should just let it all go, and when the time comes for me to meet him again, hopefully, he'll still remember me and i'll still remember him. and there'll be no one in our lives and we'll be able to pick up from where we left off. thats the thing with girls. or at least a few of them anyways, once you've truly fallen for someone, they'll always be there in the back of your mind and perhaps one day, when they want you back, you wont say no, cause you loved him once... ahh... this is all too confusing. when the time comes, shall i let go, and suck it all up and try and pretend to move on, or die trying to make it all work?
Throwing you kisses @ 10:56 AM
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Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
