Saturday, July 02, 2005
on thursday which was...
bum bum
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuum
APRIL 21!!i discovered that kaitai could not go to the party which dimitri is hosting on friday (april 22) in honour of his belated birthday. =(
yes. you see. i really have no life that the highlight in my day is discovering a tiny detail in someone else's life instead of creating brilliant sparks that deserves to be rememberated and written about in my own cell hole of a life.
...
NOT!!
dont worry. im nowhere sad enough yet.
so i went to eric's place to work on drama i think.
(Fact: I'm in the same group as mel and bree and eric)
being the 4 of us, we had some quite different opinions and mel and bree are quite the opinionated ppl. not saying that it's a bad thing in any way. in fact, opinionated is good. *thumbs up*
just that when you always gotta have it your way, it just isn't in me to humour you for 4 whole hours. you're not the only ones with opinions. i refuse to argue for over 2 minutes about anything because its just plain pointless. if you really wanna have it your way, go ahead. i couldn't care less.
if you have the oral stamina to have a verbal battle with me about your opinion, dont change it halfway and resort to my way again. it just makes no flip-flopping sense. i dont know why. i'd like to smash it in your face that you adopted my ideas in the end but i wouldn't because im
nice. *shifty eyes*
im o-so-very tempted to dance around and rub it in your pertay lil faces in a sing-song voice saying, "I told you so." but meh. i guess not.
if i was nice enough to give in to your way, im sure im "nice" enough to just accept the fact that you finally saw things my way after your failed attempt.
do you know whats interesting?
how you're always argue with me with the same upsetted look on your face when i just sit there and put an occasional word in between our arguements. maybe i just dont got the superb facial muscles to support the intense action of a strenuous angry expression at someone you claim to be your best friend during an insignificant arguement.
wanna debate? fine, but do in a kind and gentle manner. please. like i so graciously do. =)
wanna slap me? take a number.
***on a darker and more pessimistic note.
when my dad was driving mel home. she was telling me bout last year's movie group which was an extremely tight 8 ppl group when ppl would shift the movie days even if one person couldn't make it.
ah... a bond so strong.
dont you crave for one? i know i do. the back of my tooth just aches for a friendship so touching and sweet.
its too bad now the group broke up and dispersed into tiny lil pieces drifting away.
theres no more bond. everyone just craves the popularity instead of that special bond that they once shared.
i was never part of that group so i can't say. but perhaps i would be a drifter had i joined that group. there's not many people i can trust these days. there's NO one i can trust with my everything. yes. it's sad. i have no best friend. im a terribly picky person when it comes to being friends. i dont think i've given out the honourary term "best friend" in 5 years. given that people actually wanna humour me by entrusting me with your sacred friendship.
maybe i needa stop finding faults in everyone and start putting myself down more often. so i'll actually have someone to tell my deepest darkest secrets instead of hiding everything in drafts on this hunk of metal.
or is it just human nature to get tired of someone you've dealt with for a long time? i'd be scared if that was truly the case. then how do marriages work?
then again.
its love, so we'll survive.
but friendship is a totally different story. girls are morons. we get all hung up over guys who dont deserve a fraction of our affections unless they suffer through everything we have for them. we'll be much better off if we simply stuck with our girlfriends instead of swooning over guys.
so what if we dont get to see them again next year? alotta ppl are leaving... i dont see anyone crying for them.
kaitai's leaving. but so is bree. if im any sensible, i'd cry over bree. which i can proudly say i did. more than i did for kaitai. of which i am proud.
but dont tell kaitai that.
maybe its because i've realized the true shallow identity of girls. we move on from the so-called best friends but we'll do anything possible to stay in touch with the "one-and-only".
bree will be able to move on. shes strong. shes tough. she'll make new friends and we'll become a mere fraction of her memory, kaitai on the other hand. will still find ways to contact me if he cared enough. if he loved me enough. he will reach me because i'm always ready to stay in touch with him. or even if not. he is but a guy in my passing life. the only tiny problem is. he is but a guy in my passing life that i love and embrace with every single fibre in my soul. and because of that, there's a bond.
its not that i dont wanna cry more bout kaitai. its that i love too much to let myself to cry. because by crying. you're admitting that theres something to cry about. i dont wanna believe that.
then why cry about bree?
because just like the group corrupted last year, the group this year will too.
because shes nothing but a girl.
and much as i'd like to tell myself that im not a shallow and moronic girl, i am.
i promised myself i'd drop by and i'll call bree in china. i will do that. i've kept in touch with friends in singapore, i can do it with bree in downtown toronto.
but im nothing a mere girl.
a mere girl who cannot change all the other girls out there.
a mere girl who embraces all rights of her gender.
yet despices the population of her gender to the bone, including herself.
Throwing you kisses @ 10:51 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
