Saturday, May 07, 2005
apr 14I went to mel's with bree to work on drama. it ended up being extremely late so we slept over that night. i laid in silence listening to bree and mel talk, occasionally offering my opinions. it wasn't that i didn't like sharing my life with them, its just, in comparison, im so much less talkative and what not.
we talked bout the ae club (annihlate emma club), of which i dont really support.
maybe it's just me. i feel like i have no right to hate emma. sure, she's not in my best books because of the rumors and her ways of flirting with cam while he was still with sarah, but do i know her well enough to hate her? that's like saying i hate paris hilton, lindsay lohan, hilary duff, ashlee simpson and what not. i remember paris hilton once saying (or maybe just lily's msn name claiming her saying) "you know you are the best when you dont even know hate you." u cant admit that that carries a point. not saying of course that its true. i mean, sure, in the world of girls, alot of ppl hate alotta ppl, that doesn't mean of course that those ppl are the best. quite the contrary, they're often whom we believe to be worst of the lot. dont worry, im not contradicting simpledminded paris' quote. im just saying is emma worth everyone's undivided hatred? we have better people to hate, or rather, to love.
love, hate. really, what is the difference? to me hate is but tortured love. ppl who knew well have heard me say that often enough. i know mel hates emma because she loves sarah. and honestly, i love sarah, and as much as i dislike emma not keeping her hands to herself and sending off horrible vibes, i'd much rather convert all hatred i have for emma into love for sarah. what right do i have to judge a person that i didn't even know? so far, the only thing that i know bout her is her looks and that she cant seem to realize the fact that it is wrong and horribly despicable behaviour to cling onto a guy in a relationship. then again, there are a bagillion other girls out there who do that, its only a matter of how much u realize the damage you have done. the least emma could do if she really like cam, which im sure she does, since she completely ignored the fact that cam was with sarah at the time, she could... wait until
after the cam/ sarah thing was over before she made her move. or maybe thats just me. weighing my conscience over everything else. im neva gonna survive in da real world am i?
anyways, now that i think of it. at that point, i just took emma as someone who goes all out for the person she likes, i like that, but as i said, she gotta learn to watch her timing. but this was apr 14, 3 days before white hot chocolate was even over. me, bree, mel got really scared that night just talking bout this. it had felt oddly suppressing with the potc soundtrack playing in the background. it was like some bad omen predictin the occurence of a horrible event. i told everyone to stop talking bout it. because it firstly made me feel guilty bout talking bout emma, and it just scares me. im sorry. subconscious always leads to reality. and indeed. that next monday...
Throwing you kisses @ 6:40 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
