Sunday, January 16, 2005
o god, there's something seriously wrong with me. im reading cam's comments and that anonymous person's comments and all of a sudden, i start crying. it really bugs me how much i cry but im ok. i swear, im the most disturbing person in the world. o god, who ever cries this much?? this is poop. i dont know what was in those comments that triggered my tears but it did, somehow, which is completely abnormal. so now i have to start analyzing myself like a lab rat to figure out jsut exactly wat is wrong with me and its not over my school work like the interrogation on friday morn with ms anderson. i dont know, somehow, i had the waterworks started. how stupid of me. i was hoping to break my record of not crying for 4 days straight... guess not then. maybe its just the fact that i know kaitai will never like me and everyone telling me to tell him jsut makes me think of rejection or things like that. and the thing about kaitai pretending that he doesn't know or being in denial just further proves my point he doesnt like me... bahh... wats the use? nothings gonna come out of this anyways. y else would he be denying it or pretending that he doesnt know? unless he likes to see me cringe in agony which i really doubt that hes so cruel a person. and the fact that ppl actually cares enough to comment on my lonely chatterbox just makes me feel so nice inside my empty shell. i guess thats wat really made me cry, ppl actually do care. i mean, what am i saying?? of course my friends care, just that my life low of the moment is slowing eating me whole and engulfing me in its whirlpool of depression. but hey, u have to agree with me when i dont wanna tell him. listen to my point of view.
- hes gonna reject me anyways, same breakdown as now
- things are going to go weirder than they already are
- he's gonna prob start avoiding me and i wont even get the chance of being his friend
- i'll mess up any chances that i have to dance with him as an identity of a "Friend"
- he might refuse my presents like liam rejected bree's... that bum
- he'll look at me diff and belittle me
- if i do go to glenforest, thats another FOUR years of awkwardness and i'll have to see him get a new girlfriend... poo poo poo poo
so tell me, what do i have to gain by telling him? if u say it'll put an end to all my blabbering, i highly doubt it. i cant jsut forget him that easy. so there. but sigh, i love all y'all. thx sooo much for everything. and dimitri (it sounds ALOT like you), im ok, i really am.
Throwing you kisses @ 1:06 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
