Sunday, January 16, 2005
i cant help but feel that in one way or another, everyone and anyone who has a blog in particular and actually writing in it on a frequent basis is experiencing a down time in our sad lil teenage lives, except for my friends in singapore, each and every one of them preoccupied with their acedemics or whatever they are doing now. everyone's blog is starting to remotely sound like mine... and im pretty sure thats not a good thing, considering that would mean that every else feels empty and purposeless. so if anyone is willing to or even bothering to read my pathetic attempt of a blog. heres what i have to say.
to mel: the truth is, no matter how ppl's lives seem to be perfect. they never are. unknowing ppl may think that i have a perfect life. i have ok grades, i have ok looks, i have ok family on the outside, i have great friends. hey, wat more can u ask for rite? but when u look inside, you will find that i lead a life far from perfect. i s'pose its the same with everyone else. we all assume that everyone we know lead great lives, they always look so happie in school and when we are with them, but there are way more things about them that we dont know about. take sielski, that happy go lucky zap zap lover, is he really that happy go lucky? on the outside perhaps but u have to admit, he's in his own downtime as well. our imperfect lives are our weaknesses, and we try to cover up our weaknesses with gleaming eyes and perty smiles. its like trying to use makeup to cover ur flaws, but in time, the makeup only comes back to haunt your tortured skin, and our shield will fall down revealing nothing but a tattered heart, a tattered spirit, a tattered soul. but we still refuse to give up on our false pretenses cause they're wat gets us through each day, it turns into a vicious cycle that will only lead to destruction of the heart eventually. all that pressure that we have rite now, we can laugh it off and place it behind, but lil by lil they will start compelling, and eventually cause breakdowns like so many of us have experienced. we all have our weaknesses, our problems, its just the way we try to deal with it, and the balance that our problems have with our lives. look at it this way, our problems are nothing compared to the ones in the tsunami disaster areas, but in compared to our lives, they seem huge and the unfortuante one's troubles, we find it hard to relate to, and no matter how insignificant they may seem to the world, they carry the weight of
our world in the balance. our lives revolves those troubles and thoughts, so as great as u may think certain ppl's lives may be, they're not that wonderful. we may think their worries trivia, but to them, they carry as much meaning to them as ours to us. and also, no matter what, most of us are going to martingrove anyways, so we wont have to be separated, unless u decide to go for weston rite? and of course, u know we wont be separated, EVER. *hugz* (wow, thats a long message, guess i went off on a tangent eh? lolz.)
to shar: I LOVE YOU SHAR. u noe we're always here for you. sometimes things may not go so great, but you realize you always have me and everyone else that care bout u. we always love you and no you're not ugly or stupid, you're both beautiful and smart. you're none of those negative things u say about urself. and if certain ppl dont acknowledge ur contributions/(maybe existence), there are ppl who
do. i cant write much for fear of leaking out stuff... but just so u now that i care,
we care.
to sar: sar, you're scared... but of what? tell us if u want kz? and the whole thing with parents, you'll find a way to resolute that, and hopefully not end up like me. ^^ but anyways, *hugz*!!
to big d: i feel i need to apologize for many things. im sorry for bugging you with my troubles and making u listen to all the trivia worries of a 13-year-old girl. im sorry for not being able to get the history thing to you in time. im sorry for making u feel guilty about the kaitai thing on thurs... if u were, hopefully not. im sorry for having u put up with my mood swings. and im sorry for so many other things. and i hope that didn't give u the impression im a very um... shall we say depressed person...? cause im not really... but o well. *shrug* o ya and thk u TONS *hugz*
to moz: thx for always being there for me, thx 4 the time we've been together. ^^ i wish u luck on ur UTS interview and profile thing and remember, im always here 4 u like u've been here 4 me. love u b!! *hugz*
to miv: thx tons 4 taking the trouble to leave coments on my often temperamental chatterbox. heartbroken?? im always here if u needa talk... dont be heartbroken, we love you!! no one should be breaking your heart. *big hugz in advance*
to joy: thx joy for always sticking by me and listening to me droning on and on and on and on and on like so. im sorry for doing that 2 u, putting ur ears through the torture. but hey, least i love you tons!! *cheeky grin* lolz.
to kristen: im very sorry if me and b made u feel like u did all the work on the dentist chair. we really had no idea. im terribly sorry. next time just tell us/me kz, and i swear i wont let that happen again. forgive us/me plz? i love you though kristen.
to may and liam: im sorry for being a tiny brat the other day. but i dont know what i was doing cause kaitai was there... so sorry for being pouty/attitudish at certain points in that 2 hour timeframe. c entry made yesterday. srry guys. its all kaitai's fault. *pouts* lolz... naw. *cheeky grin*
to kaitai: im sorry for being attitudish at you the other day and many days b4 that. im sorry for not being able to come up with something smart to say everytime we have a convo. im sorry for being all mz-noe-it-all in class. im sorry for asking u to dance, u prob didn't wanna dance with me anyways. im sorry for having u in my thoughts constanstly but most of all, im sorry for loving u. perty plz forgive me...
hmm... i wonder how many ppl will actually be able to see this, seeing as some of them dont have my blog addy or read my blog if they have it. but i need to do what i have 2 do to set my conscience at ease or else i'll die knowing i didn't apologize/give acknowledgment to some ppl. and that thing i wrote for mel, i guess, its wat i've wanted to say quite some time ago, but never got the chance to write it down. well, its written down now... so ya. and even though this entry is dedicated to others, heres to me, to us. *cheers!!* XD
Throwing you kisses @ 9:05 AM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
