Saturday, January 15, 2005
i was reading 熙园 's blog and its really scary. turns out im not that suicidal after all. of course im not claiming that anyone i noe is suicidal but its scary how many "problems" that we all have. did we all pass our childhoods and are pacing into our teenage years? why are we saying goodbye to those carefree days and anticipating the years of tear, pain and agony? whoever wanted to be a teenager is a fool, but then again, we were all fools, fools for thinking that being a teenager would make life so much more exciting and much more liberty at hands to control. we all still are fools. fools for crying and beating ourselves for the pathetic lives we managed to make out of our time alive on this pathetic planet. there are carefree ppl in the world but how many true are? maybe pauline. always with that smile plastered upon her face. i find that weird... sick even at all that hypocrisy, yet i envy her. how long can i stay happie? not long i can tell yall. how long can i manage to free my eyes of tears? not past 4 days. more liberties... my foot. i feel constrained within myself, strangled and struggling for each breathe. everyone expects me to live and be a certain way, i needa live and act like her, like him, im never myself, im always held under the shadow of brilliants before and around myself. exciting teenage years, all our bodies are changing... growing pains, physical changes, how wonderful. the golden years of being a girl is now, i dont see what so golden about it at all. all that worries about school, friends, guys (guy), family and stuff just drives u crazy. yet, u have to act like you're mz perfect to everyone else. do u have any ideas how tedious that is? we can constrain our hearts to not fall for anyone but it bleeds to be chained with iron bars. how can we not worry, when everything that we need to be worried about revolves around us, or rather, we revolve around them. look at all those teen flicks. look at those malicious girls and their devious schemes to become the homecoming queen. each and every single one of them with the prettiest face imaginable but inside, their conscience are burning into nothing. all those girls in their wonderful, radiant teen years. they break up couples, they snip up ppl's clothes, they put down others in public. is that how girls are? or we will be in a couple years time. high school is but 9 months away. does that mean that everyone i know will turn into monsters in 9 months time? are we all on the bringe of pure malevolent-ness?? its hard to imagine alot of the naive faces that i c almost on a daily basis put on a gorgeous face trying to survive and conquer high school. look at us... we're already sad enough. we all strive to be something we're not. maybe its for the better, but maybe its for the worse. popularity seems a huge issue in novels, flicks, but in real life? not so much, but it hurts to see ppl stress over that topic like its the most profound subject in the world. we try to avoid being the third wheeler, so we make friends, friends that will last a lifetime. but when u fail to befriend those in "authority" of popularity, u start telling yourself how shallow those ppl are and how they dont deserve ur attention in the first place and u find ways to sting them in their wounds. ha mean girls. that is so stereotypical. the mean ones have a conscience too. or at least the popular ones anyways. seems to me everyone that we assumed is leading a perfect life isn't having such a great one either. everyone has problems of sorts and it just might turn out that we have similar problems. no on can really trut in like regina and act like they own the place, everyone is always facing problems. its just a matter of whether we show it or not. we choose to not let our weak side peek through. girls are complex creatures, or so ppl say, but we're really not that different from guys, we're all human beings. you can predict things to exactly how the outcome would be, but you can never measure the emotions and thoughts of human beings, both guys and girls.
but one thing that bothers me is the tsunami incident. its a horrible disaster, and everyone feels terribly bad for the victims. i have relative and friends in the disaster area and so i know wat it feels like to pin for those that might be hurt. but why do ppl always have to wait till the disaster strikes before they start having reprecautions. all that emergency weather networks coming up after the earthquake and tidal waves. its like fixing the fence after all the sheeps been eaten by the wolves. so pointless, the harms already been done. and its not like we didn't have ppl on earth that knew about the disaster beforehand. to to profits, they chose to risk the life of thousands by telling themselves that so horrible a disaster would not occur. dying in a plane crash is less possible than getting trampled to death by a donkey and the crash rate is 1 to 6 billion, but they still happen, so why do ppl refuse to do things that will benefits thousands and thousands of ppl? all for money, what is point of that? so now, we are starting to donate to those who barely survived the disasters. wats the use, how can money erase the hurt and scars that were formed by this horrific incident? no money in the world would do them any good. they could rebuild their houses, reconstruct their city, but they'll never be able to replace the ones they had lost through it all. broken hearts cannot be healed, no matter how thorough it may seem, theres always a scar thats still oozing with blood. and if it takes a tsunami for ppl to realize that we need to stop neglecting the horrific facts for selfish gain of profits and start caring for the unfortunate, then i bet all the children in africa are silently praying for a tsunami as well. they constantly live on the verge of death from lack of proper nutrition and protection. they struggle in conditions no better than that in the disaster areas. so why do we always need an horrific reminder to start doing the right thing? their state of living is constantly happenning so why do we need a tsunami to tell us that?? all we care is about the materialistic in life, even dress shopping has turned into a contest of vainity of heart. sure we might be joking but sooner or later, those casual words are going to turn into reality. subconscious leads to reality, if i've learnt anything its that. human esp girls are vain creatures, eve should have never picked that apple. i bet god regrets making the promise never to do something like noah's ark again. the devious ppl living in the world are much better off being dead. all the bribery and conceit toggled between parties and ppl are just poop. sars, bird flu, earthquake, tidal waves, world hunger, wars... ha, just means to rid the world of despicable human beings. sooner or later, traces of men would be wiped out from this planet completely. global warming, greenhouse effect, just another stupid way to kill us all off more quickly. we brought everything upon ourselves. all the diseases and disaster could be prevented, but we chose to ignore the signs. its just way human works but hey, lets wait for the current to change and bring on a second ice age before we do anything about it. we tell ourselves that we'll be dead before the disaster strikes. how selfish are we to leave a drained and exhausted earth to future generations? eventually, mother earth is going to give up and collaspe and we will get no second chance to amend our mistakes. so i say why wait till it happens before you take action?? start now!
Throwing you kisses @ 6:48 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
