Friday, December 17, 2004
horrible morning done and over with. i changed into my green/ turqoise shirt/ dress and walked outside. the dress wasn't really one of the best things that happened to me either. i got it the same day as kristen. she insisted we try it on 2gether but in the end she decided i hsould not get it. and apparently durin glunch, she was damn pissed at me for wearing and buyin it. it wasn't a nice feeling knowing that kristen was made at me.
anyways, the long awaited dance finally came and i was dancing my heart out. all htat frustration came rite out. its nice knowng i dont have to care about anything anymore. it was nice. the songs were awsm, even though the dj's looks were not relaly. iloved the songs, finally some hip hop instead of pure rock or rap. there were 5 slow dances 2day and i danced with kaitai for two of them.... ahhhhhh *squeals*
of course, i had to take the initiative, kaitai is so incredibly slow in these stuff. god. perhaps even part of the reason why i love him so much. lolz anyways. during the second one, courtney pushed me up and i asked him... i think i said. "dance?" just that. i really hadn't expected him to accept even though i had hoped for monthes that he would. oh, just writing this fills my eyes with tears. i love him soooooo. anyways, he said, "not here" (cause we were standing by the wall) in that voice that i love and adore so much, the voice that makes me quiver with joy and excitement. oh, i can still here his voice reveberating in my ears. *swoons* lolz. ;p so we walked to the somewhat center of the floor and started dancing. it was the nicest feeling ever~~~ he held me "tight", or maybe it was me hugging him 2 tight... shucks, thats not good. anyways, it was nice then. so wonderful. but it must have been awkward for kaitai cause well, all my friends started popping out of nowhere and started mouthing words at me, giving me the thumbs up and everything. some of them (i couldnt make out who) even screamed out what she wanted to say. lolz. i mean, i was happy just to be dancing with him, i didn't really care bout anything else... man, that must be really selfish of me not to consider his feelings, i would hate to put him in a difficult position. ):
after that, i sank down to the floor and started sobbing uncontrolbaly, hopefully he didn't c me doing that. those were tears of joy. i was so proud of myself, so gratified he accepted instead of rejecting me, so utterly blissful that i had him so close to me for the first time. but thx 2 this, almost everyone now know that i like him, i do, i DO like kaitai. lolz. but i dont know if kaitai knows yet. i remember i told him that i liked a guy in gifted grade 8 yesterday. if he put two and two together, he will know that i like him... it wasn't planned tht way, i just want to have a dance with him...
the fourth dance, matt asked me to dance, i accepted and while we were dancing, i turned around and saw him dancing with madi. i didn't think much of ti then, but when i had a chance to think bout it. i realize that it was a fearful thought, if madi had feelings for kaitai, i had nearly no chnces of getting kaitai's affection. i mean, im not saying that appearances weighs a lot in relationships but popularity plays a part. im not saying anyone is shallow enough to fall in love with popularity but i guess all those teen flicks are really getting to me. i just wish it was madi that asked kaitai and not the other way round since then, id at least have some chance.
anyways, the last dance, i just HAD to ask kaitai. so i bounced up behind him, trying to catch up to him and tapped him on his shoulder going, "boing! Boing! BOING!" with each tap. dont ask why i did that, jst a spur of the moment, me and my awsm sound effects. after he turned around, i made hand gestures to show what i wanted and he... wait, now that i thought about it, he did seem to hesitate for just a split second, i dont know, natural reaction? i mean ur brain needs time 2 process the info rite? ya so we started dancing again, this time less ppl came by and made comments. he placed his arms round my waist, note not hands but arms. but come to think of it, its kinda hard to place hands on my waist considering we were so close and my waist is only that wide and his arms are only that "short" (short... hehe rite....) sigh* it was the nicest feeling to know that him and i are only seperated by our clothing, i love being close to him!! i could feel his chest rising up and down as he inhales and exhales; i could feel his breath tickling my neck; i could feel his arms shift from time to time; and i could smell his scent under my nose as i rested my head on his shoulder. it wasn't must of a rest, since his shoulder is still taller than my head... but ya. it was soooooo awsm knowing i had him soooo close to me, feeling him just rite by me. it was sooooo wonderful!!! *squeal*
I LOVE YOU KAITAI!!! I LOVE YOU!!! only thing is i'll have to wait for 10 more years before you'd let me love you, i'll wait and you'll be my secret crush for another decade... I LOVE YOU KAITAI LI FOREVER AND EVER!!!
(ps, the scent wasn't the smell of stinky gym clothes and shin pads and i really wonder if he figured everything out yet. i really dont want things awkward btween us. 2 weeks should do us good.)
(pss, meanwhile, i'll kill myself waiting, hoping, praying, anticipating and wishing)
Throwing you kisses @ 11:04 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
