Monday, December 27, 2004
ladeedoo... had food, feel so much better. food always manages to cheer me up. as shar would say
Food is Good. lolz.
just read my last post b4 dinner... horribly emotional and all that waterworks, not that it matters since im exactly that emotional and all that waterworks. it's really amazing how i could be all glory and sunshine then all of a sudden im all soppy eyes and mopping over how unfortunate i am. but its true. stupid kaitai always manages to shatter my dreams and all and leave me with that dazed look in my eyes.
i admit, i am over the top when it comes to stuff like this but i cant help it. that's why i keep a blog. i refuse to talk bout this with friends in person. i know how emotional the rest of them can get and i would hate to let my sadness bring down their spirits and to the not so emotional ones, i noe everyone's busy with their own lives and it would be completely selfish to start troubling them with my trivia problems. besides the only thing that would save me is myself. i need to do some serious soul-searching.
kaitai, being himself, is very sarcastic and how can i expect suddenly to become sweet and gentle?? its not him, and i dont expect him to change. sarcasm is only one of the services that he offer and i have to live with that but i dont know, ever since i've met him, my eyes have never been dry for 2 days. i cant be happy knowing he thinks me stupid, i cant be contented knowing i make a total fool out of myself everytime i talk with him, i cant be satisfied knowing that i say the opposite of what i mean everytime i talk with him and i simply wont stop crying when i know that all my pathetic attempts are in vain. i noe i have to stop my tears, i know there is no point in permitting my tears to run loose. the last thing i want to do is cry. everyone knows me as the happy-go-lucky, always-smiling girl who doesn't have a worry on her mind and truth be told, i want to be that girl and i am that girl. but when u leave me alone... i cant help but turn to my emotional side and let go of all emotions.
i know nothing will ever come out of this crush and i know i ought to stop it but that lil voice inside me keep screaming that some miracle will appear. and now im torn apart between feeling nothing for him and feeling everything for him. i still love him but i shouldn't and im not doing a good job of trying to stop what i feel. i want to stop this madness but im scared that if ever was he to have a change of heart, i should not be there... jeez, great soul-searching im doing. thats it. i give up. im not going to try. its just going to either stay there or go away. i dont care anyways. pfsh, who am i kidding, i care alot. this is pointless rambling so i will stop. bleh.
Throwing you kisses @ 9:42 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
