Thursday, December 09, 2004
im screwed, i dont know what is wrong with me now... i just cant think straight!! ugh
so i'll start with the history presentation. it was sooo horrible. i mean, its bad enough that matt somehow decided to change all the lines in the morning which is so totally last minute. so i stumbled on a lotta of my lines and ugh, there was this part where i was supposed to look up the definition of "treaty" yet, the stupid dictionary just wasn't on my side 2day... ugh. i swear, i spent 10 seconds looking up that word, it was all sooo awkward ugh. i must have looked so bad up there. sigh* way to go dorcy. then you look at kaitai's group... ugh, and no im not biased cause its His group, their's was truly good. im not joking. it was awsm and mitri's group's presentations was funny too... what with the hippie, the drunk person, trump and of course the lobster... of course, mel was upset by the whole david thing... but i really cant blame her. kaitai was being really understanding and actually agreed with her. it was times like this when i wish i was as moody as mel is and have kaitai's sympathetic eyes on me. but its affection i want, not sympathy, sigh* the one thing i'll prob never get from him, my 4evercrush.
and during lunch, i had to teach this girl how to play the violin... i mean her part isn't that hard, i didn't have that much trouble learning my part... but watever floats her boat. so i spent my lunch time teaching her part. sihg* not the easiest job in the world. but meh, the thing that bothers me is whether i should send candy canes to him. im prob gonna send candy canes to all my friends, which isn't a small number. i mean, to me, it doesn't seem right that i should only send candy canes to my close friends, i mean, i should send it to everyone whos friendly with me. but once i sent it to certain ppl, there are some other ppl that i just HAVE to send it to. and the thing is... racheal and madi and ppl are doing it. i mean, i'm their friend and all, but not the ones who you could trust with all you secrets yet, and by having them filling out my candy cane orders, they'll know exactly who im sending the canes to... which when u come to think about it, isn't what i want at all.
*fast forward*during chamber choir, we were singing skye boat and mitri was the only baritone there, but somehow he mentioned kaitai and how good he was. of course, mitri's the main post in baritones and all but kaitai's just almost good as he is, if not rite up there with mitri (dont argue, im madly obsessed with him, so he's flawless, and no not mel and bree "flawless"). oh, it just makes my heart flutter to hear his name and think bout him. *dreamy sigh*
after choir, i saw the guys had a practice for volleyball, so i went over 2 watch. i want to see them actually playing, and of course watch "my" kaitai in actionl. ^^ *grin* (i wish) he is
good!!!!. then again, he's the captain of the team, so of course he's good. i must admit, kaitai looks so much better in his gym clothes lolz. i think he forgot his uniform so he and wats-his-face was the only ones wearing their regular gym clothes which of course made him stand out even more, but hey im not complaining here.
so in the beginning, i was just standing by the door looking through the window panes, then i decided to go inside and sit on the stage, seeing lily was there. i mean, there's nothing wrong with watching a game of volleyball rite? so i sat on the stage and soon, all the girls (mostly girls from the basketball team) was on the stage, watching. then i heard anna saying that kaitai was really good. seems normal enough rite? i guess, but the jealousy started working and inside me, i was screaming, i was going berserk! HE IS MINE!!! MINE!!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LIKE HIM!!!! i mean, i am overreacting, its just a casual comment rite? i guess, but im so threatened. im
so crazy over him and i constantly live wiht the thought im not good enough for him. and yes, im possesive, even thought its not in the scary way, i just dont feel good bout that fact that other girls like him. i like competition and all, but not when im in so deep fighting a losing battle. im always praying for some miracle that the tables are gonna turn and i'll come out victorious... sigh*
dawmn kaitai and his perfectness, i just wish i could be more perfect for him. sigh* i just have 2 make it into carolling 2morrow, im going to prove myself to me and him and everyone else but i guess thats kinda hard when my 2 fingers on my left hand are swollen and can hardly bend... i DONT care!!! im going to make it!!!
Throwing you kisses @ 9:52 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
