Friday, December 03, 2004
i love school, i hate my home. i'll backtrack a bit just to record what happened over the last few days.
so ya, i think it was wednesday or thursday. felt extremely happy yet... i dont' know i guess i was being just a "tiny" bit PMS-y. i dont really know, but all of a sudden i would fall onto my desk and bury my head in a fit of depression and/or frustration. i guess it's all kaitai's words at work. i never thought i would care so much about words until i met him... (wow, that was cheesy) i dont know. i take everything to heart so much. whenever i hear him talk to me, i remember his exact words, his expression. his snide remarks made so ever so depressed. yet just standing next to him during the national anthem feels me with joy and bliss. its such a nice feeling that hes just beside me. drinking in his presence, drowing in his essence... its almost frightening how easily satisfied i am yet his words just drive into my heart with the sharpest blade of knife, making it bleed with the slightest things that he says.
im not easily hurt. yet when u care too much, the slightest things can dig your grave. i guess im really digging my own grave rite now. but i cant help it, im in so deep, stuck in a vortex that i cant drag myself out of. im in a black hole, pull so strong that even god cant help me. im crazy, i know. i signed out one day, ask may, that was my PMS-y day. to everyone else, im just veing super emotional, but i know im really hurt. i shouldn't be, its just a guy thing to make "cold" remarks, i knew better but but... i cant explain. this isn't algebra, there is no logic. i didn't just go to the bathrom for the sake of it, i went 2 calm down, to let everything go, i know i just couldn't face kaitai anymore... he's so strange, hard to figure out, the mysteries of life that i sahll never find out or realize. sounds so profound doesnt it... i noe there's going to be break downs somewhere along the way and possibly at the end of it all. but thats why i'm going to make a move, before i begin to suffocate and die... *dramatic move to grasp throat and suffocate, grapsing 4 air.* *somebody HELP me... ugh...help.. help* ok, me gone a little over my head. lolz
Anyways, i cant really finish all i had wanted 2 say 2nite, it says 10.05 but really its 11.25 now, i just left this window open since 10.05 so ya i g2g2 bed or i wont be alive to suffocate after me mom murdered me. lolz
Throwing you kisses @ 10:05 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
