Saturday, December 18, 2004
oops, i forgot to talk bout my bear that mel and bree gave me yesterday. i love that bear. its so adorable and whats more, its called kt jr. go figure why i love it so much. silly sis is always trying to steal my bear. for god's sake its my bear, it has sentimental v alues, kz??? jeez, and my stupid rents dont understand half of what that bear stands to me, yet they act like they completely do... i hate it when ppl do that, it gets on my nerves so much. i mean, i hardly tell them anything now, but you seriously cant blame me for alienating myself from them. anyways, point is, i love kaitai so i love that bear.
anyways, i need to continue from yesterday. it was after the last dance, the one that i had asked kaitai *squeals* lolz. well, after the dance sorta ended, and him and i unwrapped our arms, i looked at him and well, i really cant tell what he was thinking then. i guess he sorta half smiled and well, ugh, i cant remember anything!! the memory's so foggy, damn me and my wishful thinkings at the time from seeing the reality. so, i dont remember him saying anything to me really. he looked all serious which was so different from what he usually is, all goofy and moronic. but i love him still. i think he half nodded... jeez, i cant remember anything clearly. well, i know for a fact that he made no gestures to signify anything more htan that we're just friends which is fine i guess. but im not too sure if the half nod and half smile is a good sign though... :S
well, now, i dont dare to talk to him, i dont know what he thinks now cause everyone's made it pretty clear tht i like him and well there's always this huge mob of ppl crowding with me while i gave him a present and all. he must be really slow not to realize esp considering he was involved. then again, he is kaitai and he really could be soooooo slow. i wouldn't be surprised if he didn't realize it still. its not like i REALLY want him to find out anyways. i like where i stand now. just being his friend with him unknowing of my gigantic crush on him, just watching him from afar. I would hate to make things awkward. i dont want him alienating me before we'd even be close friends. so now, i dont have the courage to talk to him. and the annoying thing is, im soo tempted to talk to him. but i cant. i dont know how he feels or if he knows already and well, i dont want to scare him away with my obsessions. although im pretty sure if he found this blog it won't be so hard to scare him away. *grin* but the thing is, everytime he comes on msn, my preset music for him comes on, and my heart just stops and it just gets chocked. my stomach does incredibly skilled somersaults lolz. its very VERY nervewrecking to not talk to him when you soooo want to. i would much rather wait for him to start a convo with me but i know that's not going to happen. he's such a heart-throb. i hate the way he leaves me hangin, i hate the way he can make me smile, laugh, frown and cry at the same time, i hate the way he makes me forgets myself and lose all directions, i hate the way he makes my heart floats on clouds and i hate the way he drops it and smashes it into smithereens, i hate the way he can make me so happy, i hate the way he can make me heart-broken and cause me to break down, i hate the way he's so perfect, and most of all i hate the way he's just him!!
o, i REALLY dont like you kaitai...*sigh*
Throwing you kisses @ 11:37 AM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
