Saturday, November 27, 2004
i don't know how mitri pulled it off, but he managed to find my blog. well, the old one anyways, and so its pretty outta date but there obviously was enough info there for him to make the judgement that He was kaitai. i'm no wiz with the computer but mitri obviously had enough skills and time to fish out my blog, so i gave the new one to him anyways. i mean, he already knows, whats a little more info gonna do? besides, he's completely trustworthy, unlike liam, who even though doesn't announce my blog to the entire school, drops enormous hints in school whenever he catches my eyes. i noe he's just doing that to agitate me but still.
so ya me and mitri had a "long" (not altogether that long, but it was lengthy) chat. well, i
really appreciate mitri's opinion on things, him being a guy and all, and its not liam's sarcasm, besides, liam doesn't know anything about having a crush, he too... shall i say... ditzy? so anyways, mitri told me that there was this huge rumor that kt like rachael last year. i just put like, tons of crying msn emotions into our convo rite then and there. ya, i noe im exaggerating, hey its msn, waddaya expect, but honestly, it wasn't a nice feeling anyways, i really
could cry. but thats really not the point of this paragraph. (wes: what is this: blogging or language class?? kt:haha, good one wes) well, mitri said that everyone could almost see it, but no one was really sure. kt is the kind that keeps his real feeling all to himself. i mean, like tell me bout it. its not as if kt wasn't hard enough to figure out b4.
as well as i can hide the fact that i have a crush on kt, its just not me to keep it all to myself. thats y i ahve gfs (+ a few trustworthy guy friends) for. i completely agree with mitri that bottling up all your emotions isn't good enough 4 you. but really, i share my feelings with ppl. mitri pointed out that keeping such
strong (ok, so he didn't bold it, but the occasion called 4 it (; ) feelings inside myself may lead to total un-interest, or complete break down when rejected. i noe i am obsessed and well the first few entries were quite intimidating, but i try to keep these feelings at bay and yes, if i do get rejected, i will have a break down, but its only natural, rite? i mean, i've thought bout the possible posibilities, so im prepared for all possible outcomes, rite? its not like the rejection (hopefully none) will come as a total shock and deliver a fatal blow, knocking me dead.
i mean kt's a guys' guy. everyone i've asked so far admits that. even
i've realized that, and i haven't been in JGA that long at all. its hard 2 imagine kt settling down. like above, its general knowledge, u dont need no reference for that. so... what it really is... to put it bluntly, i have no hope at all. mel, dont hit me. i mean, come on, who's big headed enough to think that the all too-good-4-me kt will fall for me?!?! not me. i know my boundaries, and kt's outta the question. *sob* sorry. *sob* but.. but... but.... i can always dream *sob*, cant i? kt's a too-good-to-be-true dream, a never-could-be-fulfilled wish, a never-possible fantasy, a guy who's just not ready to settle down yet, or too high up there to be dragged down to earth. *sob*
sorry, emotional break down there. *grin* but c? i noe what could possibly happen. i know i'll prob get rejected, so ya, i know what coming rite? that is, if i ever do tell him. wait, of course i will, i dont wanna end up like angel who crushed on a guy for 7 years without telling him. well, u guys know bout the promise of valentines (wow, that sounds so romantic...) and the liam factor, so ya, i'll prob end up telling kt WAY earlier. mitri suggested telling him day before winter break, and give kt 2 weeks 2 comtemplate it. *quote on quote* he has a point. out of all the possibilities, the ones i see happening the most is, "um.......ya...." or "cool........uh...........ya" or "uh........." or "............" well, you get the point. i dont know how is anyone supposed 2 react to that? so maybe i'll spare both of us the awkwardness when the time comes by just giving him a card or something and maybe he can tell me when he's ready.... sheesh, that sounded stupid. but any other suggestions?
o and, i just HAVE to get photoshop. i'm getting sick and tired of this layout. i desperately need to change it. it's so annoying!! and yes, i know there's lotsa awsm layouts out there, but i so much prefer ones i made myself so i'd rather put up with this layout for a couple more weeks. sigh*
.: 98 / 79 = 1.24 :.
Throwing you kisses @ 10:23 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
