Tuesday, November 23, 2004
ya anyways, i'm going backwards cause i needa write down what i thought about yesterday and stuff.
so i was walking home wiht joy and i went i know when's kt's bday, which is feb 17. so ya, which is 3 days after valentines day. on that day, i had promised myself to tell kt about the truth. but when u think about it, there're actually quite a bit of problems.
what do i want to tell him? what do i want to achieve by that? What reactions would i get? would i be able to take it? well, i know that i want him to know that i like him, cause there really isn't much point in me keeping it a secret forever and ever. i just want to spill out my guts out to him. but what do i get from all that? a bf? a foe? i dont know.
can u picture kt with anyone? i find it hard, thought not impossible. to him, girls are the results of a horrific scientific experiment gone horribly wrong. we weren't meant to be here. how could he ever be the bf type? he's such a guy guy. and even so, i have to ask myself, do
I want a relationship? even with kt? i know i enjoy fantasizing about having sweet nothings being whispered in my ears and having a warm hug on a cold winter's day and someone who's always there when ur gfs r inapproachable, someone who will love and cuddle you till the end of time, someone who will appreciate you like you are the greatest person in the whole wide world, universe even. but am i ready though? i seriously have no clue.
well, those rn't really problems compared to the possible outcomes of my confessions. i'm scared. i really am. i'm scared of rejection. *sob* why on earth would he say yes? what are the odds of that?!?! *sigh* i'm scared, he'll reject me in the face, saying something like, "that's nice, can i go now?" in a real kaitai-ish voice. i shall spend my days from last week making the perfect present for him only to be slapped in the face by his words. i'm scared, i really am. *sob* the sadder thing is that that scenario is so realistic, it's such a kt thing to do. i cannot picture him saying yes, in fact, i dont know how can guys react to that. i want to know straight off the bat if its a yes or no, yet i do not want to face the awkwardness of standing there, all alone in the cold, on Feb 14, the wind attacking my face, breaking down. i fear the day.
yet, i would do anything for his affection in return *sob*
Throwing you kisses @ 10:16 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
