Sunday, November 21, 2004
well, got off the phone with mel a few hours ago, we talked about a lot. mainly about guys lolz.
anyways, u noe how i keep telling myself that im gonna tell kt on valentines the l8est? i dont think it's gonna last till then what with liam's continuous multiple little hints that i like kt. but thats not the point. cause kt's gonna find out sooner or l8r just matter of time. but the thing is... how in the world am i going 2 tell him??? i'm not mel, i cant just go up to kt and say i like u or something. i dont have the guts, or do i??? i've 85 more days 2 find that out.
i noe that i dont want anyone else to do the delivering of the message for me cause u noe, just in case the negative happens, i'll be the first person 2 know it. but if i were 2 tell kt, it would have 2 b alone, which would b sorta hard since he's NEVER alone. the only time that i can come up with that he is alone is the time when he's going home and the time when he's coming 2 school. o god, im getting nervous just thinking about it, watch me screw up when the time comes....
im scared of rejection, which isn't that hard to happen considering kt being such a guy guy. do u c him hangin out wiht girls??? NOOO. all he hangs out with is guys. he doesn't take girls seriously. to him, girls are probably just because of some horrible scientific experiment gone wrong. we aren't supposed to exist for all he cares. how could he ever notice a girl in that special way, let alone me. i noe im putting myself down again. go ahead and hit me again, mel. i so deserve it. but its true. u even said so urself, she has 2 be like some supermodel 4 him 2 notice her. and even if we do go 2 wonderland and to splashworks no less, where it's hottie galour, its not just kt the second, the third. I dont need 2 find kt #2/3, i want kt the original!!! MY KAITAI!! kt's not just hot, not just the body, he's beyond the looks, he's everything else. EVERYTHING else.
Can you picture him ever being with a girl, i find it hard, and im supposed 2 be trying sooo bad. he doesn't flirt, which isn't a bad thing, that makes him more reliable, last thing i want is a guy who's a major flirt, like liam. no offence bree, but liam, i swear, he's the hugest flirt. me sure u noticed that now. but thats not 2 bad, as long as he's down 4 u. but im getting beside myself again. the thing is, trying to depict kt with a girl (hopefully me) or flirting is just hard. like i said, not flirty is awsm but it makes things all the more difficult 4 me. You just know he's gonna say no. (plz, Plz, PLZ dont let that b true. PLEASE!!)
~cross ma fingers~
Throwing you kisses @ 8:41 PM
Restless
10:28a.m.
Home
Sunny
Yellow Tank + Green LaSenza PJs
$230 (69 thongs)
Nothing
Cough 
No one
Only Hope
Make plans
Thinking
High School
Kaitai
